You are floating in a bubble in space… how the fuck did that happen?
First off, before I tell this story, let me just ask YOU a question. What has happened to humanity/alienanity, isn’t there any justice in the universe? I have to tell you, I’ve bumped into more than a fair share of RUDE aliens (of course they prefer to be called Moose-toids, but that’s neither here nor there), they won’t give me the time of day.
Anyway, back to the question: how the hell did I get to be in this bubble, traveling through space? Why do you wonder anyway? Do you have nothing better to do with your time? Are you jeolous that I’m here, doing this? Are you relieved that I’m far away from you and your home planet?
Let me tell you a little something about me. From the age of 3, I was pick pocketing, mobbing, robbing, mastermining the underpinnings of our oppressors, namely the police. OK, I may or may not have been 3. But I was little, little enough to just miss the range of a baton. I had a family and they loved me but I ran away from them. They were a structure, they were trying to turn me into their machine thing. The years taught me to find the unexpected thing in any given situation, and do it. I owned situations. I wandered the world but nowhere could I find The Difference. The one thing that would challenge me. But you don’t want to hear this, do ya? All I’m saying is, I didn’t fit in on your world. I had fun while I was there, hastling who I could, but I over stayed my welcome. People don’t want to leave their spot in the machine, so they certainly don’t want to be pointed the way out.
It’s simple really, if you wanted to hear the straight answer. I don’t know why no one tried this before. But what I did was, collect a bottle of Kid’s Bubbles a day for 5 years. Then I built probably the world’s largest bubble machine and got to work, well..blowing bubbles. I started off blowing the initial bubble about 9 feet in radius. Then I froze the bubble. Then I poured gorrila glue goop onto it while frozen. This hardened to a rock-like substance. I then inserted a pipe approximately 4 feet round into the bubble. Bubble upon bubble I blew around the first. Gorrilla glue layer after gorilla glue layer. The pipe was there for the door, the internal workings of the creation. It was taken out and I had The Bubble. My,now, home base. Then I just floated away on a strong up-gail. Simple really.
Why didn’t I just rent a freaking space shuttle you ask? Well, a giant bubble is cheaper, my friend.
I read a book once. I was stuck up in some make shift shack in Saudi Arabia and a man wandered in. He wasn’t mental and he wasn’t hostile. He looked me in the eye and layed down that book. I remember the way he stared directly into my eyes like he was charming some snake. I was a snake of a man then, I guess, and I think I still may be. Anyhow, he left. On the very last page of the book was a picture of a lad in a bubble. He was smiling, so how could I pass that up?
I float and figure and float and figure. And I float some more. It’s not a bad exsistance really, I’m hoping to enter Saturns orbit in a few months. One thing they don’t tell you in school, bubbles travel faster than space crafts. Yeah, bet ya didn’t know that.
Well, it’s been real nice explaining something that really didn’t need any explaining. Maybe you’ll make your own bubble some day. But I’ve got to get a move on, I’ve got a brain to disengage and a bubble to keep from bursting.